A Month

Wow, where has a month gone?

So much has happened. The transition to life in Los Angeles hasn't been without it's share of adjustments and continuing struggles, but overall, things have been very smooth.

Although our apartment still has no furniture besides our beds, two tailgating chairs and a tv, I'm starting to feel settled. I think this will all feel pretty surreal for a while, but it feels good.

Last week, I realized that the place in the city that feels most like home is actually the Mayan Theater downtown. It sounds crazy, but the sticky floors and peeling walls of the ornate theater turned porno-house turned trendy LA night club have been my constant through all of my time in Southern California. Living situations and work locations have changed, but almost every Sunday night, I have traveled downtown to find community and purpose.

Going back every week really feels like going home, and seeing faces of both new and old friends there is quickly becoming a major blessing as I suddenly am finding prayers for connection and community being answered without me even realizing it!

Tonight, Josh and I watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. My absolute favorite line comes from eccentric toymaker, Mr. Magorium, played by Dustin Hoffman, talking to his successor Mahoney, played by Natalie Portman.

He tells her, "Your life is an occasion...rise to it."

Speakers at Mosaic are constantly reminding us that we are created to do great things. We just need to step out into the light.

I don't know what I'm here for. Maybe it will take me a long time to figure it out. I do know, however, that I feel like the opportunity of being here is a great occasion, and I intend to rise to it...

It's time to step out and see what's in the light.

now vs. next

Uh oh, I can feel it creeping in...

Yep, there it is. It's that need I have to think about what's next. And I'm not talking about the Los Angeles move. It's a given that I'm constantly thinking about Los Angeles. I have to think about that, I'm packing after all!

No, it's that thinking about what could be next.

It's wondering how Los Angeles will stack up against the lifestyle I loved in New York in the winter. It's the need to compare relationships, communities, and churches to what's been familiar. It's a beginning to romanticize about the idea of moving "back East" after a few years on the West coast. And I haven't even moved there yet!

Now don't get me wrong. I think it's awesome and even necessary to be dreaming big dreams for our futures, but not when those thoughts unhealthily disconnect us from the here and now.

I would assume this struggle is something everyone experiences in life, but I think it has been magnified for me by the last four years of being on co-op. No matter what I've been doing, that thought has always been tucked somewhere in my mind. "In three months I'll be back at school." "In just a few weeks I'll be in a new city." "After this, I can't wait for..."

But now, things are different. There won't be an end date on the calendar for me to be constantly watching, thinking about what's next. And in my brief moments of clarity, that's exactly the way I want it. I want to be challenged to completely be somewhere. To be indefinitely committed to one place.

It's not going to be easy, and it will definitely take some getting used to. But if I'm able to change my mindset, I'm confident the results will be great.

I'm dreaming big dreams. Not so much for the next, but for the now.

If only I could figure out how to get myself in the mindset of taking advantage of these last two days I have here at home...

but why california?

In the last week, without anything I've really had to do, I have had some time to think and dwell a little. I don't think that it's any coincidence that I spent a significant part of the last week next to an enormous body of water (Lake Erie) and was also in Somerset, PA. Being so near water not only made me think of California, but also reminded me of the summer I spent as a counselor at Summer's Best Two Weeks, just minutes from Somerset.

Not only that, but I also was able to talk and catch up with my friend Lori, who was on my Namibia team last summer and as I type this is actually en route to Namibia as a leader of this year's team with my friend Sonja.

Memories of those two experiences at Summer's Best and in Namibia are powerful and continually inspiring to me, as they were times when I felt really focused on a goal and was powerfully motivated by being in such a tight community with other people who shared that goal. In the case of Summer's Best, it is actually a little depressing to think about, since this summer was the last summer I could've gone back as a counselor, something I wish I had been able to do.

But in the midst of thinking about these experiences and other similar ones, it hit me, this is why I'm going to California.

While in Los Angeles, I felt extremely focused, inspired, and driven. Although I was never able to get into a small group community, I still felt inspired by Mosaic and loved the vision they have for the city and for people, and I loved serving with them. I really felt like I had a lot of clarity, especially during the summer I spent there, and actually was actively trying to apply a lot of what I was learning and thinking about!

The last five years in Cincinnati have been absolutely awesome. I may never have a community as incredible as the group of friends I've found and they've helped me grow in huge ways. I'll be working hard to stay in touch with them. Navs and crossroads have helped shape, focus, and inspire me in big ways too. But it was easy for me to lose focus again and again with all of the distractions of being in school. Now, I think it's time for a new chapter of the story, with a new setting.

I know going out to Los Angeles won't be perfect, and I don't expect everything to fall in to place when I arrive. I do know, however, that in LA I felt like I was really consistently moving in a direction I wanted to be moving, a direction I want to be moving in the future.

This Friday I fly to California to start this next chapter. Who knows how long I'll be out there, but for now, I'm supposed to be in the City of Angels.

beautiful morning

So there's this great lady that's a conductor on the downtown A train. She usually happily wishes everyone on the train a "beautiful morning" over the PA, and so we started exchanging smiles and pleasantries as Patrick and I get off in Brooklyn. It's such a nice way to start the morning that we've started to let other A trains pass through the station to wait for hers.

As we walked by on the platform today, she actually held the train so that she could say good morning to us and then asked us if we were rooting for the Saints on Sunday. We hesitated, and she repeated encouragingly, "Are you rooting for the Saints?" We laughingly answered "Oh yeah, of course!" and she wished us a good weekend. As she started to pull away I noticed the New Orleans beads and swag hanging from her neck and it brought a big smile to my face.

I don't know what's so different about New York this time compared to last year, but I am meeting some really nice people in random places, and am really enjoying conversing with would-be strangers.


So, yes, I will be rooting for the Saints on Sunday.