Pull me closer

After a few days of ups and downs, this morning was an awesome service at crossroads about the power of prayer. It was totally inspiring and empowering.

Today was probably about one of the most beautiful days ever. On the way home from crossroads, I was sitting in the back seat of Kevin's car, and with the window rolled all the way down I laid back and just relaxed and felt the wind blowing onto my face. In the midst of a weekend with all kinds of crap running through my head, I don't know how to describe the feeling, but I just felt completely at peace. It was powerful and incredibly calming at the same time.

No matter how much I mess up, not matter how stupid I am, I am shown grace, and everything is going to turn out right.

We have the power to overcome anything that stands in our way.

Amazing things are coming.
It's up to me to make sure I'm a part of it.


I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
I want to reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name

I want to feel sunlight on face
I see the dust cloud disappear
Without a trace
I want to take shelter
From the poison rain
Where the streets have no name

Where the streets have no name

Rising Up

So I haven't written in about a week and I should probably do a little more work before bed, so I won't write too much. Let's see.

I'm coming off of an excellent couple of days. The weekend and the few days before it were absolutely amazing. I was able to spend time with some awesome people, who totally inspired and helped fill me up.

I met with Artie for the first time in probably about 5 months or so and it was great. He's excited for me and the stuff thats going on right now, but challenged me to keep up my momentum. That idea is definitely at the forefront of my mind right now, and I'll be working to figure out how exactly I will keep up my momentum.

Of course now following this weekend, this school week started with some discouragement. Like I was realizing last week, there are forces trying to really mess with me, and I've got to watch out for them. I don't know how to explain it exactly, I think I just found myself over-thinking some stuff and letting it upset me when it totally didn't need to. The worst part is that I let it get to me so much that I was actually not able to be myself in class today. I was just upset, not even at anything in particular, and it was totally stupid of me.

Anyway, I can't help but be reminded of one of my all-time favorite passages, and one of the few I've had memorized for a long time, Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Love it. If it wasn't for that passage, I might not have ended up going to Summer's Best 2 Weeks after freshman year. I didn't think I'd be able to handle being a counselor and a leader there. But I was inspired by this passage and SB2W was amazing,. Hopefully I'll still be able to go back for one more summer after I graduate.

Anyway, I'm through with letting stuff get in the way and discourage me (at least for now, anyway). I rediscovered the wisdom of my man Erwin McManus and listened to a podcast of his today. It was pretty awesome, and I am just so excited to go back to LA and back to Mosaic. Hopefully Erwin won't be on some kind of summer leave the whole time I'm there. Whatever the case it will be awesome.

Speaking of LA, right now I'm getting close to finding a place to live. It will hopefully be with some UCLA students who are friends with someone Nate is friends with. Aren't connections an amazing thing? So the prospect of living with some solid guys in Westwood has me very excited. Hopefully things work out with that in the next few days.

So I know if there's two things I always say in this blog, it's that I'm constantly up and down and that I have been so hugely inspired and supported by all of you. Well, I am still constantly up and down, but the causes of the painful times are changing in a good way.

As for being so thankful for the relationships I have with awesome people in my life, that hasn't changed, if anything it just keeps getting better. Now what I'm about to post will definitely be seriously nerdy. I'm going to give you a link to a song from the guy who's just about one of my favorite composers, Jason Robert Brown. The song is from a musical called "13," which is (surprise) about a bunch of 13 year old kids. The song is called "What it Means to Be a Friend," and although I am not a 13 year old girl like the girl who sings this song, and I can't relate directly to most of what she sings about, I can definitely relate to the basic message of the song: being thankful for amazing friends that support and love you.

You can find the song here. Just scroll down to listen to the clip, you can download it and put it on your itunes for free too. Good deal, eh? Maybe at least one of you will like it, like Andrew Jarrell, you'll probably like it. I didn't hear if anybody listened to the other song link I posted, so maybe nobody will listen to this one. Well, whether you do or not, I'm a fan of it.

The Penguins won on Sunday, which is amazing. We're going to the Stanley Cup! Can you believe it? I'm stoked. Hopefully we take down Detroit, this is the year of the Penguins' triumphant return! Let's Go Pens!

Ohh one last thing, I just watched Stepmom tonight in my room, since Zac and Justine were downstairs watching the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Can you believe I've never seen Stepmom? Well Linds let me borrow it so I had to watch it. Needless to say it was wonderful, and I may or may not have shed a few tears during the last 15 or 20 minutes.

Hey, I hope everybody's doing great. I love you all, even the ones who don't read, know, or care about this blog. I'll go into details about cool stuff happening in a post soon. I hope you all have a great rest of the week!


Alex

In the Valleys

So I know I probably sound like a broken record, but I really am riding a roller coaster of emotion. I do think things have been getting better over the past few weeks, but when I get hit with pain, I get hit hard. Last night was definitely one of those times.

Most of the time its my fault; I know by now what hurts, but sometimes its hard to fight. Last night I just felt like absolute crap and was dealing with a lot of pain. At the same time, it was so frustrating that even after what can seem like a significant amount of time, I can still feel this bad.

It didn't take long for me to open up to a few people about things, and I continue to just be so thankful for the support and love I have. Just being able to talk is such an amazing thing, putting thoughts into words for another person. And the wisdom and help I was given was very cool and helpful. I'm going to be okay. There's a plan for me.

Ephesians 6:10-12 is inspiring in these moments:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His might power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the Devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Of course with so much good stuff going on in my life and in my faith I am going to be attacked. I know I've been making the Devil angry. He's going to do whatever he can to break me, and there are definitely parts of me that are susceptible right now.

Tonight I've been helped by Romans 5:2-5

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

I have more empty holes than I think I realized. I'm realizing now that I don't need to be filling the holes with anything, I just need to be turning them over to God as I learn to surrender all of myself. I don't know if that makes sense, but I still have so much that I am stubbornly holding back. I need to work to find those holes, and make sure I am giving up my selfishness and turning myself over to God, as I work to become the man I'm meant to be.

Through all of this crap, I'm learning so much and having opportunities to grow closer to the amazing people in my life. It's awesome.

I'm still just starting on the journey, and I have a very long way to go, but I am looking forward to it. It has been and will continue to be amazing.


Hey, here's a recommendation . Put off whatever you were going to do for the next 7 minutes and listen to this. It's a song called "Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)" created by Baz Luhrmann, the director of Moulin Rouge. Apparently it came out in 1998, but I don't remember ever hearing it back then 10 years ago. Crazy isn't it, that 1998 was 10 years ago?

Anyway, scroll down a bit to listen to the song and download it if you want to. Make sure you can actually hear everything the speaker says. I just love so much of what it says. Listening to the song is a great way to start your day.

. . .

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

. . .

Thanks to everyone. I love you all, for real.


Alex

Feels like today

Hey everybody, so this was a pretty wonderful weekend. There was a lot of fun stuff that went down. Let's see, where to start?

Well, Friday night was of course the Cincinnati Pops' Magic of Disney show starring Ashley Brown, and it was spectacular. Definitely the coolest thing the Pops have done, well, actually, the Pops have done a lot of cool stuff, so I don't know about that, but this was awesome. It was amazing, there must've been like 30 Musical Theatre majors from ccm there, and they performed for probably like half the songs, singing along and performing huge dance numbers.

Ashley Brown certainly did not let me down, even considering I'd been looking forward to the show for over a year since it was announced. She looked great and performed some of the best numbers of the evening, including an absolutely amazing version of "He lives in You" from the Lion King musical. It was great during the Mary Poppins section, when Ashley Brown turned on her Mary Poppins accent (since she is currently playing the role on Broadway, and was nominated for a Tony in it). She's great.

I was in Disney heaven, and I had a huge smile on my face for just about the whole show. It was wonderful to be there with the awesome people I went with, too: Matt, Laura, Lindsey and Briana. We all had a blast.

Saturday after a great lunch with Jon Nitz, I got in the car and headed down to Louisville (pronounced "Looavul") to celebrate Patrick's 21st birthday with he and his friends. The drive down yesterday was breathtaking, for all the crap Kentucky takes for being Kentucky, that is a beautiful state. It was green everywhere. I loved it. Louisville itself was cool, too, especially the area of town Patrick lives in. A Ludlow-like street called Bartstown Road or something was really cool and within walking distance.

Patrick's friends were a lot of fun, too, and we hung out and ate at the house before going out bowling last night. I was just excited to be able to hang out away from campus and stuff. I'm really excited that Patrick is working in Pittsburgh this summer. I'll be home the week he moves in, so I'm looking forward to showing him around a little before I head out to LA.

I came back from the south this afternoon and hung out for a little bit before dinner at Red Pepper and getting dressed up for Lindsey's 21st birthday celebration. Ohh wait, actually, when I got home I went to work on a Birthday card for Linds. On the way to Patrick's yesterday, I was trying to think of good card ideas for her. I was pretty excited with what I came up with. It's not a bad pun. If you want to find out what it was, ask Lindsey, I don't think it will be all that funny if I just type it out here.

So anyway after dinner I got dressed up and we all went over to the Hatchet House where we hung out with cool people for a while celebrating Lindsey's birthday. She loved my card, which I was very excited about. Unfortunately after a while we had to leave since some of us had homework and stuff. I didn't really. I haven't done any work all weekend, but you know what, we're entitled to have a few weekends of no homework now and then.

I came home to find out the Pens won, which is awesome, meaning we lead the series 2-0. Unfortunately we don't get Versus (stupid Time Warner) so we either have to try and find the game feeds on the internet or go to Martino's or B-dubs if we want to watch them. I definitely hate the Flyers, not people from Philadelphia, but definitely the Flyers. They suck. Beating them is awesome.

If anyone hasn't discovered the awesomeness of the video blog "YINZ LUV DA 'GUINS," you need to check it out. Here's a link to the most recent episode, which recaps last Friday's game. Tonight's recap should be up in the next day or so. Be careful, the opening titles are addictive, and if you're anything like Kevin and I, you'll find yourself saying "Yinz luv......Troy Loney" all the time.

It's an amazing time to be a Pens fan. My parents tell me the burgh is going crazy. Why do I have to be out of town when our sports teams make serious runs for Championships? If you're there I'm jealous.

Well, in general life updates, I continue to ride this fun emotional roller coaster, but things are definitely getting easier. God is answering prayer and showing up in awesome ways. I continue to be so thankful for all of the amazing people in my life that have loved me and supported me in all kinds of ways.

You all rock. I love you guys.

So I know this post is much too long already, but in the car today I happened to listen to a little Rascal Flatts (I know...I'm a dork) but the lyrics of this song really struck me, and I'm a big fan of cool song lyrics. Enjoy:

I woke up this morning
With this feeling inside me that I can't explain
Like a weight that I've carried
Been carried away, away

But I know something is coming
I don't know what it is
But I know it's amazing, can save me
My time is coming
I'll find my way out of this longest drought

It feels like today I know
It feels like today I'm sure
It's the one thing that's missing
The one thing I'm wishing
The last sacred blessing and hey
It feels like today
Feels like today

You treat life like a picture
But it's not a moment that's frozen in time
It's not gonna wait
Til you make up your mind, at all

So while this storm is breaking
While there's light at the end of the tunnel
Keep running towards it
Releasing the pressure, that's my heartache
Soon this dam will break

It feels like today I know
It feels like today I'm sure
It's the one thing that's missing
The one thing you're wishing
The last sacred blessing and hey
It feels like today
Feels like today

Feels like, feels like your life changes
Feels like, feels like your life changes

It's the one thing that's missing
The one thing you're wishing
The last sacred blessing and hey
It feels like today

Feels like, feels like your life changes
Feels like, feels like your life changes

hey, make it a week for the ages. No sense wasting it any other way.


Alex

A Change in Me

Wow, there's a lot going on right now. I don't have a whole lot of time to go into crazy detail, but I'll do what I can.

Firstly, the past few nights have not been a whole lot of fun work-wise. I haven't done very much work so far this quarter, for various reasons, but finally we had some big stuff due this week, and I definitely was dreading getting smacked in the face.

Well, somehow, the smack in the face that I was so sure I would get never really came. Sure, last night I worked pretty solidly from about 7:30 to 2 in the morning, not too bad, but still plenty of work on a single project. It was crazy though, yesterday was my night to lead small group. I don't know exactly how to describe it, but personally for me something felt different than all the other times I've planned for small groups. I was reading through the section we were going to talk about, and it was actually having an impact on me, and as I began to look at cross-references and such, I was actually getting excited about all of the ways different parts of the bible were connecting to each other. I know, it sounds crazy, actually being excited about what the bible had to say for our bible study, but it was happening. I don't know what's going on.

Anyway, I hope the study meant something to the rest of the guys, but I just left it feeling like God had been speaking through it to me in very cool ways. I was just very thankful for all of those guys and the different things each one of them brings to the table. They're awesome.

It's crazy to be starting to see some real purpose and plan for me the past few weeks. I have been able to spend time with so many awesome people and have been so disgustingly blessed by all the different kinds of relationships of mine that have grown in the past few weeks. It's crazy to actually be feeling like God is using me. It's especially crazy when in those same situations God is using the other person to help and grow me in huge ways, too. It's pretty incredible, and I'm learning more every day about what its truly like to support another person.

I've figured something out in the past few days. Through the purpose I've seen, I'm really understanding deep in my soul that this was right and is exactly the way things were meant to be. Truly figuring that out and understanding it has been huge in the fact that it has erased a lot of questions in me that have driven me crazy recently, questions about me wondering if this was a mistake and my mistake and if I messed up something truly good. Knowing that deep in my heart at my core has brought me a whole lot of peace. Unfortunately, knowing this was meant to be doesn't really help with some of the day-to-day emotional pain of things, but it is getting better.

I'm hoping to really be able to stay focused for this second half of the quarter, and continue all of the amazing ways God's been working in my life. I hope that I can work to give everything over to him and learn to really listen for his guidance. I know there are still going to plenty of moments when things suck as they have, but I know that the process of going through hard times will only make us stronger if we choose to learn and grow from it. Granted, my current suffering is somewhat different from the suffering of early Christians, but I think God knew what he was doing.

1 Peter 5:10

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

Awesome.

So tomorrow night a few of us are going to the "Magic of Disney" show the Cincinnati Pops are doing with ccm alum Ashley Brown. Needless to say, I'm incredibly excited. I love it when true Disney magic shows up outside of the theme parks (the Disney Fountain Show at Station Square back home is a great example of Disney magic done right). So anyway, because of that, I'm in a magical mood and am feeling inspired to give you some relevant Disney lyrics, too.

Enjoy these, my friends:

I have often dreamed
Of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome
Would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know every mile
Will be worth my while
When I go the distance
I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road
To embrace my fate
Though that road may wander
It will lead me to you
And a thousand years
Would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime
But somehow I'll see it through

And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No, I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
'Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star
I will go the distance
I will search the world
I will face it's harms
I don't care how far
I can go the distance
'Till I find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms

I will search the world
I will face it's harms
'Till I find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms

I am just feeling very stoked about life.

There is so much awesome stuff in store for every one of us. Will you fight for it or let it pass you by?

Hey, thanks for humoring me, and more importantly for loving me.
I love you all so much.



Alex

No more excuses

I'm tired of living half-heartedly. I need passion.
Now, I've found it.

Yesterday morning at Crossroads I was baptized, and it was awesome.

Friday and Saturday, there were times when I wasn't too sure about my decision. I was getting frustrated with homework and was hurting and I just wasn't sure if my heart was in it. Saturday night before bed I did some reading and spent time praying and dwelling on what baptism and specifically the decision to be baptized as an adult meant. It was Romans 6:1-4 that struck me the most, specifically verse 4:

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the father, we too may live a new life.

When I was a baby and baptized I just had some water sprinkled on my head. Now that was still good and significant to me, but this passage really showed me why I needed to make the decision as an adult and be baptized immersion style. Going completely underwater, just as Jesus was completely dead and buried, then coming out of of the water as Jesus was raised, struck me as a powerful declaration of my faith to God, myself, and the world. Something that I had never done, literally or figuratively. It was time.

I woke up Sunday morning feeling alive and filled with energy. It felt fantastic. At Crossroads, the service began with the beautiful sounds of enormous rain sticks and continued with a choir singing alongside the band. The moment the choir started to sing, I got chills, it was amazing.

The baptism itself was awesome. Surprisingly, walking onto stage and stepping into the pool, there were no thoughts of anyone else in the building. It just felt very intimate, just me and God, and the guy baptizing me, of course. I can't believe I don't remember his name, but I'm very thankful for him.

It was so cool to be able to be Baptized at Crossroads, where I have experienced God in so many very powerful ways over the past two years. And to have so many people there supporting me who I love so much and who have meant so much to me was absolutely awesome. I just can't find words to express my love for the people in my life. I am disgustingly blessed and am so thankful for all of you.

Brian Tome said something pretty interesting yesterday. He said, "I'll tell you who shouldn't come up here to be baptized. Don't come up here if you were just baptized two years ago and you're not sure if it took. Guess what...it took!" I know that life from now on isn't going to be all peachy and easy. There are going to be very hard and confusing times. That's still definitely been evident to me this weekend, as I've continued to feel plenty of pain throughout it, and plenty of pain today, too.

But I don't want a life that's all easy and nice. I want life abundantly, a new life filled with real experiences and real things to deal with, real situations to grow. I now see my need for God. I don't know how I would be able to get through all of this without him.

I am not making excuses any more, it's time to completely give myself over to God and his plans for me. I am done with my old self. I'm ready to live a new life of purpose. Now I need to open up my eyes to see what he has planned. I absolutely cannot wait.

Hallelujah, grace like rain
falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains
are washed away


This is just the beginning.


-Alex

One Week

It's amazing how a single week can in some ways be just about the worst week of my life and the best week of my life all at the same time.

I'm continuing to ride an emotional roller coaster, where some moments I'm fine and other moments are filled with incredible pain. It definitely sucks, but every day seems to be easier than the day before.

Luckily, I haven't been blinded by the hard stuff. I have seen so much purpose in all of this. I definitely needed this more than I ever could have thought, and I needed things to happen exactly as they did. The growth I've experienced over the past week has been absolutely awesome.

I don't know where I would be without everyone who's been around me, supporting me in big ways whether they knew it or not. The opportunities I've had this week to make connections and build relationships with close friends, people I've known for a while but haven't really ever known, and with new friends I've never known has been such an amazing blessing. Whether it's been talking about the serious stuff going on in my life, or just simply getting to know someone new, I've definitely seen God showing me his love in everyone around me.

Seeing God in people and relationships has never been all that difficult for me, though. The major things I've learned this week have been in terms of prayer and the word, and as stupid as this might sound, a lot of how I've grown can be traced back to my small Moleskine sketchbook. I bought it on co-op to sketch ideas but never really used it all that much. Now, however, it's become a kind of prayer journal to me and has become my most prized possession.

In my quiet times each morning, I've been able to read actively like I never could before. Now, I read to really find what God is trying to tell me, so I can write it down. Then, since the sketchbook is small enough to fit in my pocket, I can take it out and reread the passages from the morning and be thinking about them throughout the day. It's awesome.

Also in my moleskine, I've tried to be extremely conscientious about writing down my prayers. This way I can easily remember what I need and want to pray about, and can also look back and see how prayers have been answered. It's also helpful for me in the fact that now when I tell people I'm praying for them, I'm able to keep praying for them and really devote time and energy to other people's prayers as well.

All of this stuff might seem pretty obvious and simple, but the way this little black book has grown me spiritually has been amazing. I've always heard people say how great it is to write things down, and now I see how true that really is.

Sorry, there's so much to this post, but I guess there a lot I'm excited to write about.

On wednesday night, a few of us went to Last Wednesday, this new worship night at crossroads and it was absolutely awesome. While we were there, we saw they had the big pool set up for baptisms this weekend. Well, I took one look and the pool and pretty immediately realized that I am going to be baptized this weekend.

Now, I was baptized as a baby, and have always used that as a kind of excuse. Anytime I heard someone talk about how important it is to make the decision to be baptized, I've always been like "eh, I was baptized as a baby...maybe I'll do it later." Well, after being totally emotionally emptied and refilled as I have been in the past week, I know I have no excuses this time. The past few days have been laying the foundation for a major rebirth and I want to solidify that on Sunday.

Needless to say, I'm extremely excited about it. It will be crazy and I cannot wait!

Well that's about it for now. It's getting late. Before I go, here are some things that have helped me this week:

This is the verse that I've been comforted by the most and have reread over and over in my moleskine. It's not too obscure, it's Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

Awesome. I've also found myself listening to a fair amount of musical theatre, (obviously) specifically the uplifting music of David Friedman and Jason Robert Brown.

Here's a little bit of the song "Trust the Wind," from the opening of David Friedman's show "Listen to My Heart." They performed the show freshman year at ccm and the music and emotion of the show have stuck with me since I saw it. Enjoy:

There are voices
softly whispering inside my head
telling me I'm gonna be alright
They keep saying
"Let yourself be led where you are led
Don't hold back. Don't put up a fight"

They tell me
"Trust the wind
Breathe the air
There's a place you're meant to be
And you're already there
Open up your heart
And let life in
You know that you can always trust the wind"

When the world starts doing things
that I don't understand
And I search my soul to find a reason why
In the dark of night I feel somebody take my hand
And tell me "You don't even have to try
For you can trust the wind

Breathe the air
And know that there are helping hands
Around you everywhere
Open up your heart
And let life in
You know that you can always trust the wind"

Dreams have wings
Thoughts take flight
All good things
Are streaming toward us every day
They hear our prayers
They know the way

I'm gonna trust the wind
Breathe the air
Let it take me on its wings
And carry me somewhere
I'll open up my heart
And let life in
I know wherever breezes blow
Wherever winding rivers flow
I'm going where I need to go
I can trust the wind

I'm definitely learning to trust God and to see my need to trust. It's been amazing. So now I'll be working to make every week from now on as great as this one was.

Hey thanks for being there for me. There are so many amazing people I'm thankful for right now.

Thanks.
I love you all.


Alex

p.s. If you don't go to UC and haven't seen me lately, I got a buzz and have grown out my beard. It's been fun and apparently I look older.

Welcome!

Hey everybody!

Welcome to my new blog here at randlev.blogspot.com. This one will be taking over for Mr. Ogle goes to Hollywood. When I go back to LA, I won't be working in Hollywood anymore, but in another sweet area of town where I might actually see famous people. We'll see. So this blog will be more of a permanent and general blog.

As you can see, it's pretty serious-looking at the moment, but I've been going through some pretty serious stuff lately. I'd like to make a nice banner for this one too. We'll see. I'm not sure what I want it to be called, but right now I'm using my very favorite Jack Sparrow quote.

Anyway, I don't have a whole heck of a lot of time right now to write a long blog post, so unfortunately you'll have to wait.

I'll write one soon.

I love you all!


Alex