One Week

It's amazing how a single week can in some ways be just about the worst week of my life and the best week of my life all at the same time.

I'm continuing to ride an emotional roller coaster, where some moments I'm fine and other moments are filled with incredible pain. It definitely sucks, but every day seems to be easier than the day before.

Luckily, I haven't been blinded by the hard stuff. I have seen so much purpose in all of this. I definitely needed this more than I ever could have thought, and I needed things to happen exactly as they did. The growth I've experienced over the past week has been absolutely awesome.

I don't know where I would be without everyone who's been around me, supporting me in big ways whether they knew it or not. The opportunities I've had this week to make connections and build relationships with close friends, people I've known for a while but haven't really ever known, and with new friends I've never known has been such an amazing blessing. Whether it's been talking about the serious stuff going on in my life, or just simply getting to know someone new, I've definitely seen God showing me his love in everyone around me.

Seeing God in people and relationships has never been all that difficult for me, though. The major things I've learned this week have been in terms of prayer and the word, and as stupid as this might sound, a lot of how I've grown can be traced back to my small Moleskine sketchbook. I bought it on co-op to sketch ideas but never really used it all that much. Now, however, it's become a kind of prayer journal to me and has become my most prized possession.

In my quiet times each morning, I've been able to read actively like I never could before. Now, I read to really find what God is trying to tell me, so I can write it down. Then, since the sketchbook is small enough to fit in my pocket, I can take it out and reread the passages from the morning and be thinking about them throughout the day. It's awesome.

Also in my moleskine, I've tried to be extremely conscientious about writing down my prayers. This way I can easily remember what I need and want to pray about, and can also look back and see how prayers have been answered. It's also helpful for me in the fact that now when I tell people I'm praying for them, I'm able to keep praying for them and really devote time and energy to other people's prayers as well.

All of this stuff might seem pretty obvious and simple, but the way this little black book has grown me spiritually has been amazing. I've always heard people say how great it is to write things down, and now I see how true that really is.

Sorry, there's so much to this post, but I guess there a lot I'm excited to write about.

On wednesday night, a few of us went to Last Wednesday, this new worship night at crossroads and it was absolutely awesome. While we were there, we saw they had the big pool set up for baptisms this weekend. Well, I took one look and the pool and pretty immediately realized that I am going to be baptized this weekend.

Now, I was baptized as a baby, and have always used that as a kind of excuse. Anytime I heard someone talk about how important it is to make the decision to be baptized, I've always been like "eh, I was baptized as a baby...maybe I'll do it later." Well, after being totally emotionally emptied and refilled as I have been in the past week, I know I have no excuses this time. The past few days have been laying the foundation for a major rebirth and I want to solidify that on Sunday.

Needless to say, I'm extremely excited about it. It will be crazy and I cannot wait!

Well that's about it for now. It's getting late. Before I go, here are some things that have helped me this week:

This is the verse that I've been comforted by the most and have reread over and over in my moleskine. It's not too obscure, it's Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

Awesome. I've also found myself listening to a fair amount of musical theatre, (obviously) specifically the uplifting music of David Friedman and Jason Robert Brown.

Here's a little bit of the song "Trust the Wind," from the opening of David Friedman's show "Listen to My Heart." They performed the show freshman year at ccm and the music and emotion of the show have stuck with me since I saw it. Enjoy:

There are voices
softly whispering inside my head
telling me I'm gonna be alright
They keep saying
"Let yourself be led where you are led
Don't hold back. Don't put up a fight"

They tell me
"Trust the wind
Breathe the air
There's a place you're meant to be
And you're already there
Open up your heart
And let life in
You know that you can always trust the wind"

When the world starts doing things
that I don't understand
And I search my soul to find a reason why
In the dark of night I feel somebody take my hand
And tell me "You don't even have to try
For you can trust the wind

Breathe the air
And know that there are helping hands
Around you everywhere
Open up your heart
And let life in
You know that you can always trust the wind"

Dreams have wings
Thoughts take flight
All good things
Are streaming toward us every day
They hear our prayers
They know the way

I'm gonna trust the wind
Breathe the air
Let it take me on its wings
And carry me somewhere
I'll open up my heart
And let life in
I know wherever breezes blow
Wherever winding rivers flow
I'm going where I need to go
I can trust the wind

I'm definitely learning to trust God and to see my need to trust. It's been amazing. So now I'll be working to make every week from now on as great as this one was.

Hey thanks for being there for me. There are so many amazing people I'm thankful for right now.

Thanks.
I love you all.


Alex

p.s. If you don't go to UC and haven't seen me lately, I got a buzz and have grown out my beard. It's been fun and apparently I look older.