So I know I probably sound like a broken record, but I really am riding a roller coaster of emotion. I do think things have been getting better over the past few weeks, but when I get hit with pain, I get hit hard. Last night was definitely one of those times.
Most of the time its my fault; I know by now what hurts, but sometimes its hard to fight. Last night I just felt like absolute crap and was dealing with a lot of pain. At the same time, it was so frustrating that even after what can seem like a significant amount of time, I can still feel this bad.
It didn't take long for me to open up to a few people about things, and I continue to just be so thankful for the support and love I have. Just being able to talk is such an amazing thing, putting thoughts into words for another person. And the wisdom and help I was given was very cool and helpful. I'm going to be okay. There's a plan for me.
Ephesians 6:10-12 is inspiring in these moments:
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His might power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the Devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Of course with so much good stuff going on in my life and in my faith I am going to be attacked. I know I've been making the Devil angry. He's going to do whatever he can to break me, and there are definitely parts of me that are susceptible right now.
Tonight I've been helped by Romans 5:2-5
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
I have more empty holes than I think I realized. I'm realizing now that I don't need to be filling the holes with anything, I just need to be turning them over to God as I learn to surrender all of myself. I don't know if that makes sense, but I still have so much that I am stubbornly holding back. I need to work to find those holes, and make sure I am giving up my selfishness and turning myself over to God, as I work to become the man I'm meant to be.
Through all of this crap, I'm learning so much and having opportunities to grow closer to the amazing people in my life. It's awesome.
I'm still just starting on the journey, and I have a very long way to go, but I am looking forward to it. It has been and will continue to be amazing.
Hey, here's a recommendation . Put off whatever you were going to do for the next 7 minutes and listen to this. It's a song called "Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)" created by Baz Luhrmann, the director of Moulin Rouge. Apparently it came out in 1998, but I don't remember ever hearing it back then 10 years ago. Crazy isn't it, that 1998 was 10 years ago?
Anyway, scroll down a bit to listen to the song and download it if you want to. Make sure you can actually hear everything the speaker says. I just love so much of what it says. Listening to the song is a great way to start your day.
. . .
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
. . .
Thanks to everyone. I love you all, for real.
Alex
Most of the time its my fault; I know by now what hurts, but sometimes its hard to fight. Last night I just felt like absolute crap and was dealing with a lot of pain. At the same time, it was so frustrating that even after what can seem like a significant amount of time, I can still feel this bad.
It didn't take long for me to open up to a few people about things, and I continue to just be so thankful for the support and love I have. Just being able to talk is such an amazing thing, putting thoughts into words for another person. And the wisdom and help I was given was very cool and helpful. I'm going to be okay. There's a plan for me.
Ephesians 6:10-12 is inspiring in these moments:
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His might power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the Devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Of course with so much good stuff going on in my life and in my faith I am going to be attacked. I know I've been making the Devil angry. He's going to do whatever he can to break me, and there are definitely parts of me that are susceptible right now.
Tonight I've been helped by Romans 5:2-5
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
I have more empty holes than I think I realized. I'm realizing now that I don't need to be filling the holes with anything, I just need to be turning them over to God as I learn to surrender all of myself. I don't know if that makes sense, but I still have so much that I am stubbornly holding back. I need to work to find those holes, and make sure I am giving up my selfishness and turning myself over to God, as I work to become the man I'm meant to be.
Through all of this crap, I'm learning so much and having opportunities to grow closer to the amazing people in my life. It's awesome.
I'm still just starting on the journey, and I have a very long way to go, but I am looking forward to it. It has been and will continue to be amazing.
Hey, here's a recommendation . Put off whatever you were going to do for the next 7 minutes and listen to this. It's a song called "Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)" created by Baz Luhrmann, the director of Moulin Rouge. Apparently it came out in 1998, but I don't remember ever hearing it back then 10 years ago. Crazy isn't it, that 1998 was 10 years ago?
Anyway, scroll down a bit to listen to the song and download it if you want to. Make sure you can actually hear everything the speaker says. I just love so much of what it says. Listening to the song is a great way to start your day.
. . .
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
. . .
Thanks to everyone. I love you all, for real.
Alex
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